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i've been having some pretty intense dreams lately. not that this is not super normal for me, i tend to dream almost every night and very frequently remember at least something about my dreams if not the entire thing.

i wonder what it is about me that makes my dream life so vivid? i wonder if it's because my work life has been pretty stressful lately, so my brain needs to engage in this fantasy creation as an outlet. my work is not particularly creative, and due to the stress I have not had the usual energy to read or create. basically i go to work, i eat food (that sometimes i cook, mostly not) and i do yoga.

i need to achieve a better work/life balance. and it's not that i take work home with me - i don't do that at all. i'm quite good at just leaving work behind, and not even thinking about work when i'm not there. but the stress that i feel at work has been exhausting and makes me not enjoy my time off of work.

i'm hoping it's getting better, i feel like maybe it has. we shall see.

anyways, my dream life has been crazy, and mostly stressful or bad lately. i woke up last night from a nightmare and J had to snuggle me back to sleep. just thinking about the dream gives me the creeps even now. and a few nights ago i had a nightmare that demons were after J, and i couldn't save him.

how do i give myself good dreams? or at least neutral ones? any ideas on how to avoid having nightmares? i mean, besides getting rid of stress in my life. ;)



+ started the morning with the shred
+ green smoothie for breakfast (spinach, banana, pineapple, ricemilk)
+ fat free yogurt, strawberries, low fat granola for elevensies
+ whole wheat pita, with two tbsp hummus, stuffed with a salad made of one chopped cucumber, 1/4 chopped orange bell pepper, several baby tomatoes, 1" cube feta chopped, lemon juice, fresh herbs.
+ apple for afternoon snack (which was so disappointing)
- 1 rolo (bad holly, need to stop eating those damn things)
+ baked potato with veggie chili, small dollop of fat free yogurt
- dessert treat - which was totally delicious and worth it:
take two apples, peel and chop into bite size pieces, put in bowl with handful of golden raisins, mix with lemon juice, 2 tbsp of maple syrup and lots of cinnamon. let marinate in fridge for about an hour, then heat two pats butter in skillet over medium, then saute apples/raisins with the juice until liquid is mostly gone. let cool, serve over fat free frozen yogurt. the kind from Trader Joe's is particularly delightful, and a little tart too!

so aside from my lapse of judgment in making us a dessert treat tonight, i had a pretty good and healthy day. i'm trying to stay away from refined flours and sugars, and on the whole succeeding. now, tomorrow i'm eating dinner out with a friend, so i know it's not going to be as healthy as cooking at home. but i have hot yoga on thursday night to look forward to, and shredding every day this week.



today's tally-card:

+ got up early and did the shred
+ had a green smoothie for breakfast
+ had non-fat yogurt with three strawberries and low fat granola for my elevensies
+ had a healthy tasty lunch of a toasted whole grain english muffin topped with 1 tbsp hummus, chopped cucumber and tomato, fresh dill and chives, a little feta, and fresh greens
+ for my afternoon snack i had half a giant asian pear
- and two cubes of pepper jack cheese
- and later on ate a rolo
+ i did drink 48 oz of water while at work, plus a green tea sweetened with stevia
+ got home and did hot yoga
+ ate salad, sauteed summer squash, and
+/- stuffed flounder for dinner, and
- drank small glass of wine, then
- ate two pieces of chocolate

i guess more + than -, so maybe that counts as healthy.

time to go make my take to work food now, and think about dinner tomorrow. omelet maybe? or brown rice topped with fried egg and veggies? or beans and brown rice and veggies?


day one, again

i've been feeling pretty out of control lately - too much to do at work, and never enough time to do everything i want to do at home either. add to that the fact that i injured my ankle (like a month ago!) and it's just now starting to feel better enough to start working out again.

and what with all of that, i didn't make my goal of exercising 30 days in a row. but like every goal, i can just try again, right? so i'm starting things off with a bang, and a 7 day diet. today was fruit and soup day. tomorrow is veggies and soup. i get to eat this soup all week long, plus a variety of other things. i'm hungry right now, but at this point it's just time for bed. i'm thinking this is a good start to fixing my bad eating habits, and it's also going to force me to plan meals, which i need to get back in the habit of. when i don't plan, things go south very very quickly. but we went to the farmers market on sunday, and i got plenty of veggies and fruit for this week. today i ate half a cantaloupe, and half a ginormous asian pear. plus the soup that i made with tons of fresh veggies. tomorrow i have a salad of beautiful red leaf lettuce with roasted golden beets, fresh dill and chives.

i know i'm good at making delicious healthy food, but it's just like i said. i've been overwhelmed and feeling totally out of control lately. dunno what i can do about it, but maybe this week will be good for me not only healthy-eating-wise, but also to regain some sense of control and make myself realize that planning meals is important and always a good idea.

so here's to day one of the diet, and day one of the shred (again) and here's hoping i find some peace with all the chaos, or find some order to balance it.

i'm a genius

so i just invented a delicious drink.

2 oz cranberry juice (100% pure cranberry juice, the real tart as hell stuff that comes in tiny bottles)
.5 oz Torani raspberry syrup
1 oz vodka

put all ingredients in a shaker with ice, then do the polaroid picture thing.

pull out a jam jar (i guess you could use an old fashioned? dunno how many ounces those hold, my jam jars are about 10 i think) and put a couple of ice cubes in it. pour shaken goodness out into glass. fill to top with lime sparkling water, stir with chopstick.

tart and refreshing!

also it's a beautiful bright red. i think it should be a holiday drink!


day 21ish: stupid ankle

so last week on friday i did level 2 of the shred, and felt great. then on saturday i did hot yoga, and level 1. and my ankle started hurting. and then on sunday it hurt a lot. and continued to hurt, like i'd pulled something. i waited until tuesday morning to shred again, and when i tried to do jumping jacks and jump rope it was excruciating. so that was fun! :( J went out and got me an ankle brace to wear to work that day, and i have been subsequently wearing that all week.

i tried to do a low-impact shred on wednesday, but that just made it worse, so i took off thursday and friday.

today i did a very low-impact shred - i didn't do any jumping jacks, any jump rope, or any running in place. for cardio instead i just did punches, and extra pushups and situps. i wore my brace during the whole thing, and it was pretty stable and didn't really hurt while working out. afterwards i took off the brace and iced it, and can tell it's still sore and painful.

so my goal for this weekend is to not walk around too much, or stand too much, and just keep my foot up as much as possible.

i'm frustrated because i really wanted to make a go of this whole month, working out every day and seeing how that would help. it's really frustrating for me when i get injured and can't do what i want to do, and it makes me want to just give up and not do anything. add to that the fact that i was depressed earlier this week, in some sort of funk, and that took a while to get out of.

so i know it's going to be disappointing at the end of the month to see not much change in my body. but i guess what i need to do is just keep on doing it after the month and change my goal to two or three months, not just one. i suppose getting into shape should be a lifelong goal, not just a one month goal anyways - i was just so excited to kick start this thing and it would have been so encouraging to see results after a month.
it's been a bad few days, head-wise. not sure it if's hormones, slight depression, change in eating/exercising habits, or what, but my headspace has been a very sad and messy place to live recently. sorry for the lack of shred updates, but i hate posting when things are bad and all i can do is whine and complain.

and i have an injured ankle, which is stupid.

yeah, stupidity all around i would say.

ok, that's enough carrying on. hoping tomorrow will be better all around.

day 12, sort of

yesterday was not a great day. i've been having bad dreams and nightmares, and when i woke up crying yesterday at 6am i decided i would be better served with more sleep, so i skipped the shred that morning. then later that day i started feeling quite sick, and headachey, just generally icky. so i went home a bit early, and went to bed. J woke me up to feed me dinner, but i did not shred yesterday, i slept all evening and through the night.

thankfully only a few bad dreams, and none that made me cry. so i woke up this morning, and shredded. and then had birthday cake at work. *sigh* how am i supposed to resist these things? it's impossible.

but i did just get back from an exhausting hot yoga class. where it was really really hot. i mean, really hot. it felt like they were heating it for a level 2 class, even though it was only a level 1. so i was sweating starting with my first down dog. so i made it through, and am currently trying to cool off.

at least i no longer feel guilty about the birthday cake! ;)

so all in all, even though i skipped a day, i'm still feeling really positive about this. i think i listened to my body, and when it needed a day to rest and not get sick, i took the time to do just that. and then when i felt better, i pushed myself a little, and that was good too.


day 9, almost

so today is day 9. i haven't actually done the workout yet today, but i have done it every day thus far, and after my dinner settles i will be doing it tonight.

the reason i ate dinner as soon as i got home and made it? starving. this workout schedule has really made me hungry. all the time. i need to start packing more food for work, because i was scrounging around at 4pm today after i'd already eaten everything i brought with me.

i haven't weighed in since day 2, but will probably do so tomorrow and i hope for at least some good change. maybe it's too early to really make a difference in weight, but i do feel more energy, and i feel good that i'm doing this. i think that the most important thing right now is that i'm really working towards something, i'm really trying hard, and i am proud that i'm doing this. i've gotten a few people in the office into it too, and most of us are now talking about being healthy, working out, eating food that is good for you. i feel like i've started something good, not just for myself, but for the whole department, and we're all encouraging each other to succeed.

and that feels good!


day 4

was a little bit easier, actually. i could tell a difference towards the end of the workout in the amount of stamina i still had left, which was nice. some of the exercises are getting easier, some are not at all.

but the nice thing was i made it to yoga tonight, and oh man that felt great. i really really really needed that. my calves are actually no longer knotted up - all the down dogs helped stretch me out.

and i made a delicious and healthy dinner of black beans, rice, corn and tomatoes/chiles, and there are plenty of leftovers for me to take for lunch tomorrow (i was getting quite sick of veggies and hummus for lunch).

feeling pretty darn positive - i had a very healthy day in terms of food - the only treat i had was a vanilla latte this morning. however, i *am* a lot hungrier than i expect to be. this morning i was drinking my green smoothie and going, this is just not going to cut it. so i made toad in the hole before work: bread with a hole cut out with a fried egg in the middle. i used olive oil to fry it up, and fat free whole wheat bread, and it hit the spot.

now i'm all set for bed, and ready to get some rest before getting up to shred tomorrow.


day 3

got up and did the shred in the morning, and then limped around all day at work. i thought i would be able to do some yoga tonight since i miss it, but seriously, have i mentioned that my calves hurt? like, a lot? because they do.

so instead of yoga we walked to our favorite sushi restaurant.

i think this was a fair trade.

tomorrow morning i'll be getting up early again and shredding before work, and hopefully my calves will be more used to the running in place and fake jump roping. because that is what is really killing me. and if they are nice to me tomorrow then i will reward them (and myself) with hot yoga.


it's breakfast... for dinner

and it's a blog post, regarding said breakfast for dinner:


Feb. 7th, 2010

hey, look, it's a blog post, with pictures! it's been A Pleasant Weekend: http://tinyurl.com/ygsnuof

also, i just saw The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. now am currently snuggling with the cats and J in bed, and getting ready to close the computer and go to sleep. am expecting weird dreams after that movie. ;)

new blog

so i'm experimenting with the whole blogging thing. i figure what better time to start than the beginning of the year. i'm still reading my f-list, and will be dropping in to post links to blog posts, if anyone cares to travel over there and comment. or heck, comment here on the post there. you know, whatever floats the boats.

anyways, here are a couple of posts -

a yummy salad recipe


know any good books?

white rabbit!

happy november! don't forget to pay your rent! ;)


i made the best dinner tonight - roasted chicken with potatoes and carrots and a few onions roasted along with it. it's been a long time since we've eaten chicken, simply because it's practically impossible to find *actual* free range, small farm, sustainably raised chicken, even from whole foods.

well, the awesome butcher shop in la jolla who sells actual grass fed beef (from a ranch less than 100 mi away) is now stocking chicken that i can buy without feeling horrible about the way the chicken lived. this butcher shop also sells wild boar bacon, which is the best bacon ever.

so, yes, the chicken was really expensive, but J and i are to the point where we eat meat very rarely, so it's a treat. and we'll get three meals out of it - dinner tonight, chicken salad sammiches for a lunch, and then the bones are in the freezer waiting to be made into soup.

and we are supporting a *local* butcher shop that we feel is the way butcher shops should be, selling the items we feel they should all sell.

also, man can i roast some chicken, let me tell you. soooo good.


halloween countdown

to do:

*go shopping for food & alcohol, also ingredients for baked goods
*bake the goods (cupcakes and pumpkin choc chip bread)
*finish my bustle skirt
*decide which shirt goes best with the costume
*trial run of makeup
*pack the car on saturday with food, alcohol, costume, and decorations, plus sleep-over stuffs
*party like it's 1999

accomplished so far:

*made shopping list
*most of costume done

hmmmm... that is not looking so good. i am way far behind, and this is looking like i'm going to have to be up late on friday night, and working my butt off on saturday before the party.


yuk. cold, cough, congestion.

bad phone message from my mom.

i think i'll have some cookies now, please. the world needs to send some lovin my way, asap.


finding myself awake before 9 on a sunday, i figure i should try something new. so i got out the decaf organic fair trade coffee i just got from TJs yesterday, and i got out the french press that belongs to J that i've never used, and made myself coffee in the french press.

let me tell you, it's very good. especially alongside a slice of the pumpkin chocolate chip loaf i made yesterday.

the reason i'm up so early is because i had to get J to the airport by 8am so that he can fly to Mexico for a 4.5 day workshop thingie, which he is the main man on. i'm going to miss him. i already feel like the house is too quiet.

the cats are even subdued. well, that could be because they are used to this being sleepy time on the weekends. but still.

so i have the whole day ahead of me. i think i'll do a little halloween prep, look through the decorative items that i have already and see what local stores are peddling nowadays. maybe hit up a Michael's if i can find one around here. it's sad that i don't have my local craft hot-spots figured out yet, and i've been here for how long? well, i do have an awesome fabric store, and an awesome yarn store, but no generic craft store yet.

maybe then i'll do some sewing. i am still working on the "hem all my pants" project. i do like one or two pairs in one day, then let them sit for another several weeks. need to make the push to finish up the last 3 today, then it will be done. well, done until i decide i want to hem my jeans too. le sigh.


grinning like a cat

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